Project Phoenix
by Thorkone
Summary: After the Battle of New York, Anna receives the news that her friend is among the casualties. One-shot. Phil & Annie


There were close to eleven million urgent action memos in my email after the 'Battle of New York', everything from sick leave requests to repairs to personnel files that needed deactivating either due to the collapse at the Project P.E.G.A.S.U.S. facility or other Loki-related incidents. I decided to start by reading all the memos from Director Fury. It would give me an idea of which files needed to be most urgently dealt with. Jenkins, the director of HR, had been injured on something completely unrelated, and management of the office had fallen to Erin and I, and co-assistant managers of the Human Resources department at the Triskelion. I sorted all the emails so Fury's were at the top, and worked through them, slowly, making notes on my desk blotter to prioritize the work and disperse it to the rest of the office. Erin was doing the same thing.

I think it spoke highly of how closely we worked together that we both gasped and dropped our pens at the same time. I looked up and met her eyes over across the computer monitors that separated us. I could feel the colour draining from my face.

"Annie?" She started to stand and reached across her desk toward me.

"Coulson," I breathed. I didn't know how to react, and that was the worst of it. Agent Phil Coulson had been the first field operative I'd met at SHIELD. He'd been kind to me at all times, flirtatious at others, but as a rule was the most professional and hardest working agent in the organization. I'd fancied myself a bit in love with him in my first few years at SHIELD. He'd picked me up when I was an absolute wreck after Jack had dumped me. I almost thought he was interested in return, but after he'd escorted me to a family function, he'd been transferred to the west coast office and I hadn't seen much of him in the past couple of years. On the rare occasions that he'd been into the building, he always popped in to say hi, but that ship had long since sailed. It was a shame. He was a good man.

And he had been a casualty of the Battle of New York. I felt my breath go thready and saw stars at the periphery of my vision. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Erin's hands rested on either side of my neck and she rubbed the muscles of my neck softly.

"It's okay to be upset, sweetie," she offered. I shook my head.

"He was just a colleague," I argued.

"A colleague who was your friend. A colleague you thought highly of, and not just because he knocked your socks off with a kiss seven years ago. He was more than a colleague, and it's okay to be upset," she insisted. I felt a wave of nausea and blinked back tears.

"Leave his file for me to close. I'll be back shortly," I rose from my desk, not sure where I was headed. I knew I needed to go for a walk, and clear my head. Erin nodded and gave me a brief hug. I stepped out into the hall and called the elevator. The compartment was clear glass and afforded me an amazing view of the capital. I got lost in my thoughts and didn't realize I'd reached the ground floor until a hand tapped my shoulder. I jumped and turned around; rushing off the elevator without acknowledging the man who'd touched me. I wandered aimlessly through the atrium until I got to the wall of honour, where members of SHIELD who had been lost were memorialized. I knew there would be no plaque for Coulson there, not until I deactivated his file and sent the requisition to Director Fury, but I looked at the other names there, and thought that for each person listed, there was at least one person like me, whose life had been touched and forever altered by their friendship. The dull ache that had settled into my chest when I'd read the memo from Fury blossomed into a piercing pain that made me short of breath. I rubbed my sternum to try to make the pain ebb, and to gain control of the anxiety that was threatening to consume me.

I found a place to sit on the floor and pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to draw deep breaths in. I could feel my shoulders shaking and just wanted to let go and cry. I dropped my head to my knees and just focussed on breathing.

"Anna? Are you alright?" I wasn't in danger of ever forgetting the sound of that voice. Of all the people to find me, it had to be Jack fucking Jackson. I looked up at him and tried to speak

"I –" I trailed off, and took a gasping breath.

"Anna, you're really pale. Are you okay?" He knelt down beside me, and grabbed my wrist, feeling for my pulse.

"Since when are you a doctor?" I snapped and yanked my arm away. I took another ragged breath in. I wanted to scream, or throw something, or just curl up and sleep forever. I wasn't quite sure what though.

"I think we should go to medical. Can you stand up? I can carry you," he threatened. I glared at him and pushed away his hand when he offered to help me.

"I'm fine." I pulled myself to my feet and got dizzy. I put my hand on the wall to steady myself, and missed, stumbling against it and bonking my head. Jack put his hand on my arm to steady me.

"You aren't fine. And we are going to medical. Come on." He put an arm around me and led me back to the elevator. I tried to focus on keeping my breathing normal, but the pain in my chest was getting worse and I felt like I might throw up. The stars at the edge of my vision started to get worse again, and I stumbled into Jack's side.

XXX

To my horror and mortification, the doctor took one look at me and put me on oxygen and a heart monitor. I'd been sitting on a bed in the infirmary for about a half hour. Jack had left to go up to the office and let Erin know I might be a while, and I really didn't expect him to return. The doctor came in with a pile of paperwork and sat on the edge of the bed.

"I've been looking at your labs, and your vitals. You're in great shape," he offered.

"Then what is wrong with me?" I asked.

"Based on my assessment, I'm going to diagnose this as an acute panic attack," he said. "Have you ever had an issue with anxiety before?"

"No. I mean, I worry, but this has never happened before," I could feel that wave of pressure starting on my chest again. My hands started to shake.

"I think you might need some short term management of this. There are a number of medications that I can recommend, but right now, I'd like you to try a breathing exercise with me, before you have another episode," he took my hands in his own and steadied them. He led me through a series of breaths, in, hold, and out. He kept repeating the directions until I felt the weight lift from my chest and the pounding in my chest slowed.

"Thank you."

"Can you think of what may have precipitated this?" He scribbled some notes on my chart.

"I found out one of my friends was a casualty in New York," I explained.

"I'd like you to try managing this with the breathing exercise we just did. But I've written you a prescription for Ativan just in case that doesn't work. You put one under your tongue and let it dissolve. I'll make sure the dispensary knows to give you all the information about how it works when you pick it up. It's not a medication I prescribe lightly," he explained. I nodded. "I think you could probably head back up to your office if you are feeling better."

I stopped at the dispensary and picked up my prescription, and a sheaf of information about the medication. The doctor obviously felt confident I was smart enough to understand what I was going to be reading. I walked back into the office and sat down in my chair, feeling defeated.

"You going to survive?" Erin asked. I nodded and started working on Coulson's file.

XXX

The church was filled to capacity, and there were people standing outside, a testimony to how well respected Agent Coulson had been. Up near the front, I recognized Tony Stark sitting with who I assumed must be Pepper Potts and another man I guess might be Dr. Banner. Steve Rogers was sitting with a pretty redhead. Agents Romanoff and Barton were on her other side. Director Fury himself stood to eulogize him. I felt that same crushing pressure start in my chest as Fury began to speak and forced myself to work through the breathing exercises the doctor had taught me. My breathing returned to normal and I was struck with the realization that most of the people in the room were probably feeling very much the same was as I was. The sadness that filled me was better than the panic, but it was just as overwhelming.

People trickled away from the graveside in groups, heading back to their daily lives. I stayed, leaning against a tree until the last person had left, and the caretakers came to take down the chairs and start filling the grave. I stepped toward the grave to say a final quiet goodbye, but stopped when Director Fury stepped out in front of me.

"Ms. Ellis. Are you headed back to the Triskelion?" He startled me. I glanced down at my watch.

"I thought I would stay late tomorrow to make up for not going back today. I'm just a short walk from home," I admitted.

"Let me give you a lift back to your office. We need to have a discussion." He nodded toward the vehicle waiting at the curb and headed toward it, not waiting for me to follow. I felt nervous. I think I might have met Fury maybe twice before. I couldn't imagine what he wanted to talk to me about. I didn't have to wait long.

"Phil Coulson is not dead."

"What?" I gasped.

"He was badly injured, and is now recuperating. I need you to reactivate his file, but put a level 7 restriction on it. It needs to look like he is still deceased to anyone with lower clearance." He didn't look at me as he drove.

"Coulson is alive?" I couldn't have heard him correctly. We were leaving the man's funeral.

"Should I start again and use small words, Ms. Ellis?" Fury was intimidating. I flinched.

"No, sir. I just – why the secrecy?"

"That's not important. Coulson will be coming directly to you if he needs intel. You will be his primary HR contact. He is assembling a team. I will provide you with a list of potential team members, and you can provide that list to him for vetting." We were stopped at a light, and Fury turned to look at me. ". I know this is additional duties, but after careful assessment of the HR office, I found that you are the most capable of handling this particular portfolio."

"Thank you, sir." I wasn't sure what else to say.

"The weeks since New York have been hard on all of us. I've sent you an encrypted email with further information about Agent Coulson's team. I've asked him to forward requisitions and work orders through you, so you can code them for accounting. All the account information is in the email. There's no one in accounting who has high enough clearance to know the details of this team. Can you handle this?" We'd pulled into Fury's spot in the parkade.

"Of course, sir."

"Excellent. If you have any questions, Agent Hill can assist you." We walked to the elevator. When it reached my floor, I held the door and turned back to Director Fury.

"Sir, you are aware I share an office?" I asked.

"I trust that you can keep what needs to be confidential quiet. Her clearance is high enough to know Phil is alive. But she is not cleared to work on Project Phoenix," he clarified.

"Understood."

XXX

"I wasn't expecting you back today," Erin raised an eyebrow as I came back into the office. I sat down and opened my email.

"Director Fury cornered me after the funeral," I started. I tried to figure out how to tell her, but couldn't find an easy way. I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye and looked over her shoulder. I stood, my heart rate speeding up. "Coulson isn't –"

"Ms. Ellis. Director Fury said he'd forwarded the information about my new project to you?" Coulson stood at the door of our shared office. Erin's jaw dropped.

"Dead," I finished. She looked over at me and back at Coulson.

"No shit," she breathed. She rose, grabbed her coffee cup and excused herself. Coulson slipped into the office as she headed out. He pulled up a chair and sat down, facing me. I couldn't take my eyes off him. I didn't remember his eyes being so blue. The corner of his mouth cocked into a partial smile.

"You are a sight for sore eyes, Ms. Ellis," he offered. I reached over and brushed some lint off his lapel.

"I was just at your funeral." It slipped out before I realized what I was saying. My hand flew up to my mouth. "I'm sorry! I just, Fury just told me you hadn't died. I didn't know." I felt my eyes fill with tears.

"Are those tears for me? Don't, Ms. Ellis. I got injured, they fixed me, sent me on a vacation to Tahiti. You should go sometime, it's a magical place." He put his hand on mine. "But I'm back now and ready to work, so we need to get down to business."

"Project Phoenix. Right." I shook off the lingering sorrow and smiled. "Let's get to it."


End file.
